Intimacy Issues
by livs2write
Summary: An argument between Harm and Mac prompts the Admiral to order them into counseling.
1. Direct Order

This story takes place in Season 4 after 'Silent Service' and takes an AU turn from there. For the sake of this tale, Harm helped Jordan Parker with her case after 'Jaggle Bells' and then they went their separate ways, so they are not a couple. Assume if it's not in the story, it probably didn't happen.

**15:35 EST**

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, VA**

Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie nearly collided with her partner and colleague, Lt. Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr., as she made her way to the copy machine. She glared coldly at him and gave an icy 'excuse me' as she quickly moved away from him.

Harm watched her go with a sour expression before he continued on with whatever he had set out from his office to do, not even sparing a backwards glance at her.

Adm. AJ Chegwidden watched the scene from his outer office with a thoughtful, pensive expression for a moment, and then he sighed and told his yeoman to hold his calls unless it was urgent before he went back into his inner office and closed the door. Taking a seat behind his desk he contemplated what to do about the situation between Rabb and Mackenzie. He had hoped that they had resolved their differences after their case on the submarine 'The Watertown', since they had saved one another's lives while onboard. When they had returned from that case, they had seemed to have some of their former camaraderie back. They were working well together again and had even seemed to have regained some of the friendly banter and good humor towards one another.

But that all ended two days ago when the Commander had pulled one of his infamous 'rabbit tricks' and sandbagged the Major in court, blindsiding her with expert witness testimony that had made her look foolish in front of the judge and the members presiding over the article 32 hearing. Mac had been furious and Harm had been arrogant and aloof, as usual when he won a case in such a manner. The result had been a loud, messy, and embarrassing fight in the middle of the bullpen. While he hadn't been in the office during the argument, he'd heard the scuttlebutt and had called a few key witnesses in to tell him what they'd seen; he couldn't just let this one slide this time.

The admiral sighed as he considered his options. He could transfer one or both of them, but they were probably the two best lawyers in the entire JAG Corps and he didn't want to lose either of their talents. He could assign them different partners and possibly even move their offices further away from each other, but knowing the two of them, they'd find a way to butt heads in any event. As he considered his options, he pulled up both of their personnel files on his computer~ he still loathed the damned things~ and noticed something that he hadn't before on both of their records. Making a note on the legal pad on his desk, he closed their files and considered what to do once again, when inspiration struck and he got a satisfied grin.

"Tiner, get me Rabb and Mackenzie in here, now," he barked into his intercom.

"Aye, aye, sir," Tiner replied.

Less than five minutes later, Lt. Cmdr. Rabb and Major Mackenzie stood at attention in front of his desk, looking for all the world like children who had been sent to the principal's office.

"Cmdr. Rabb and Major Mackenzie reporting as ordered sir," Harm said for the two of them.

AJ stood and moved around his desk, glaring at the both of them. "Would the two of you care to explain about the scene that you made in _my_ bullpen two days ago?" he asked tightly.

Harm swallowed and Mac straightened further, but neither said anything.

"Well?" AJ bellowed. "Cmdr. Rabb, you begin."

"Sir, I uh…" he swallowed again. "I surprised Major Mackenzie with a witness and as a result, she lost her case. It made her angry and she wasn't speaking to me so I tried to talk to her in the bullpen and we ended up getting into a… um… we had a disagreement, sir."

"Major?" AJ said, looking at Mac. "Would you agree that is what happened?"

Mac did not agree with the way Harm had phrased it, but she knew that if she spoke in anger right now she would only make the situation worse, so she ground her teeth together and then nodded once. "That would about sum it up, sir," she said and ground her teeth once more to keep from adding anything.

AJ pursed his lips and nodded slowly. "I see," he said softly. "Well let me tell you the story I got from the witnesses to the event that I interviewed yesterday and today," he said tersely. "Cmdr. Rabb, you sandbagged Major Mackenzie in court in an unprofessional manner and after the hearing was over you blew off her anger and acted in a way that was juvenile and conceited. Later in the afternoon as the two of you were waiting to use the fax machine, you, Cmdr. Rabb, made an inappropriate comment about the Major's skills as a lawyer and the way in which she obtained her law degree. Instead of walking away Major, you insulted his manhood and made some other derogatory comments about his choices in girlfriends and from there it escalated until the two of you were shouting in the middle of my bullpen like a couple of preadolescent school children in need of a good spanking! Does that about cover it?" Admiral Chegwidden bellowed, his voice having risen slowly as he spoke to his errant officers.

"Sir, I~" Harm began.

"Lock it up, Commander!" AJ bellowed, getting right in his face.

Harm snapped to again and looked straight ahead, not daring to move.

Mac's eyes had grown suspiciously moist, but she gave no other outward sign of emotion as she, too, stood rigidly at attention.

"I ought to transfer both of you out of here to the worst, most career-ending assignments I can find," AJ said angrily as he moved behind his desk and took a seat in his chair. "However, I happen to believe that if the two of you could just get over yourselves, you might actually be of use to the United States and this office." He looked at a couple of papers in front of him and then back up at his two officers who hadn't moved a muscle. "Have a seat," he ordered.

They did as he instructed, but both sat tensely and continued to look straight ahead.

"I happened to be looking at your personnel files as I was trying to determine whether or not to charge you this afternoon and I noticed that you Cmdr. Rabb have nearly 60 days of leave on the books, and you Major Mackenzie are not far behind. I don't know how that happened, nor do I care. Effective immediately you are both on leave for the next 45 days with a direct order to seek out some sort of professional counseling. I expect you to attend individual sessions and to have at least one session per week together. I don't want any of the details, but I will expect a letter from your counselor on whether or not they feel you have made progress in that time. In 45 days I will reevaluate this situation and if I feel that the two of you are making satisfactory progress, I will allow you to return to duty with nothing on your records to indicate that you were seeing said counselors." Admiral AJ Chegwidden studied the stunned faces of his two officers before he continued. "You have only one real choice in this matter. If you fail to do as instructed, you will be formally brought up on charges and if your careers are still intact afterwards, you will be transferred out of this office immediately," AJ said, his expression telling them he was deadly serious about this. "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes sir," Harm and Mac said in unison.

"Good," AJ said, glaring at the two of them. "Get out of my office and I will see you both in 45 days."

Harm and Mac stood to attention once more before making their way out of the Admiral's office and heading to their own offices.

Being as it was now well after 1700 hours, they collected their things and headed out of JAG Headquarters~ perhaps for the last time.


	2. Getting Started

**08:15 EST**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Georgetown**

**Next Day**

Mac looked through the peephole to see who was knocking on her door and sighed, opening the door in resignation.

Harm looked at Mac and took a deep breath. "May I come in?"

Mac stepped away from the door and motioned him in, closing it as soon as he was inside.

Harm held up a bakery box and gave a tight smile. "I brought a peace offering," he said.

Mac released a breath and nodded. "I just made a pot of coffee; let's go into the kitchen."

Once they had their coffee and their breakfast, Harm pursed his lips and looked across the table to Mac. "I, uh, spoke to Lt. Cmdr. Parker," he began, "you know, the psychiatrist I helped around Christmas? She said that she'd be happy to take us on, or she can recommend a few other doctors if we'd rather not see her."

"You can see her for your individual sessions if you'd like, but I'd rather we see someone else for our joint sessions," Mac said.

"All right, do you want to see someone at Bethesda or look into a private counselor?" Harm asked her.

"I think it'd be best to see someone outside of Bethesda," Mac said, looking down at the tabletop. "The Admiral said that he won't put anything in our personnel files if we cooperate, so it might be better to leave the military doctors out of it altogether."

Harm couldn't argue with her logic. "I agree," he said. "So how do you want to go about finding a counselor?"

"There's an online directory that I found last night," Mac told him. "It has a lot of information about the doctors and even has recommendations by their former patients. I looked it up to see what our options were."

"Did you find one that you think you might be agreeable to seeing?" Harm asked. He knew neither one of them liked this situation, but he resolved to make the best of it.

"Actually, there was a husband and wife who have a practice together that I found interesting," she said softly. "They do individual and joint sessions." Mac stood and moved to her desk, flipping on the computer monitor and bringing up the desired webpage. "Dr. Zachary Lekberg and his wife, Dr. Alicia Lekberg," she told him, moving out of the chair so that he could sit down and read the information on the webpage.

Five minutes later, Harm looked up and nodded. "I think they'll work out," he said. "I'm a little unsure about what they mean by 'modern and unique' treatment techniques, though."

"We can always refuse anything we're not comfortable with," Mac told him. "And if we don't like them, we can find someone else. But we only have 45 days so we need to get started."

"True," he agreed. "All right, will you call and schedule the appointments or would you prefer that I do it?"

"I will," Mac said. "I'll call you when I have appointment times. Are there any times that don't work for you?"

Harm shook his head. "Until we get this straightened out, I don't have anything else on my calendar; anytime is fine for me."

"Okay," Mac said, looking at the floor again.

"Mac?" Harm said as he stood in front of her front door preparing to leave. "I'm really sorry about the other day. You are an excellent lawyer and I know you earned not only your degree, but your place at JAG HQ through hard work and determination and not by..." he grimaced apologetically and shook his head.

Mac looked up at him briefly and gave a small nod. "Thanks Harm," she said. "I'm sorry, too. I didn't mean all those awful things I said to you, either."

Harm nodded and stepped out into the hallway. "I'll be waiting for you to call with our appointment times."

"Okay," Mac said, watching as he turned and walked away from her door. She closed the door and locked it, leaning against it with a heavy sigh. After a moment, she pushed herself away from the door and moved to the desk to make the necessary phone call.

After speaking to the receptionist and explaining the situation, as well as the urgency of getting started as soon as possible, the receptionist told her she would speak with the doctors and get back to her within the hour. Forty-seven minutes and twenty-one seconds later, Mac's phone rang and she had a late afternoon appointment for the both of them.

Calling Harm and letting him know when and where to be, she then hung up and began deep cleaning her apartment, trying to take her mind off of how nervous she was. As the time drew closer for the appointment, Mac showered and changed before heading over to the office.

**16:00 EST**

**Lekberg Psychiatry**

**Washington, DC**

Harm parked his car in the parking lot and noticed that Mac's car was already there. The offices were located in an old Victorian era home that had been converted, and didn't look too terrible from the outside. He made his way in the front entrance and found Mac sitting on a comfortable looking sofa in what was once the front entrance of the old home. She was idly flipping through a magazine and she looked up when he entered, scooting over to make room for him on the sofa.

"Hey, I'm not late am I?" he asked, noticing that there was no receptionist at the desk.

"No," Mac replied as he took a seat. "You're right on time; the receptionist said she'd be back in a moment."

Harm nodded and looked around the old home that had been converted into office space. It was decorated well and had a comfortable feel to it; not the cold space he had expected.

A nicely dressed woman who was in her mid-forties came out and smiled at them, asking if they'd been helped yet.

"We're here to see Dr. Lekberg," Mac said. "Um, both of them," she clarified.

The woman nodded her head and smiled reassuringly. "Did you let Cassandra know when you arrived or was she already away from her desk?" the woman asked, indicating the receptionist's empty desk.

"I told her when I arrived, but Harm," Mac said, indicating her partner, "wasn't here yet."

"Okay, I'll let Cass know when I go back," she told them. "I'm Dr. Storey, by the way."

"Nice to meet you," Mac replied. "I'm Sarah Mackenzie and this is Harmon Rabb."

Dr. Storey smiled and nodded before picking up several files and heading towards the back.

Five minutes later, a couple in their early fifties came out and smiled at them. "Sorry we're running a bit late," the woman said. "We had a session that went over just a bit. You are Harmon and Sarah?"

Harm and Mac had stood and they both nodded, holding out their hands to shake the doctors'.

"I'm Harmon Rabb," Harm said.

"I'm Sarah Mackenzie," Mac told them.

"I am Dr. Alicia Lekberg and this is my husband, Dr. Zachary Lekberg," she told them.

"To avoid confusion, we have our patients call us Dr. Leesy and Dr. Zack," the man said, speaking at last. He had a deep baritone voice and a very pleasant smile.

"We feel that it would be beneficial for the first hour or so to see you individually, so that we can get some background information and do all the necessary paperwork," Dr. Zack said. "Then we'll get you two together and do a joint session."

Harm and Mac glanced at each other nervously before nodding.

"Well then, let's head back, shall we?" Dr. Leesy said with a smile. "Sarah, if you'll follow me, Harm will go with Dr. Zack."

They made their way towards the back and Dr. Leesy took Mac further down the hall to a door on the left, while Dr. Zack took Harm into the first door on their right.


	3. Session One

**16:10 EST**

**Lekberg Psychiatry**

**Washington, D.C.**

Once inside the offices, each one of the doctors told their patients to get comfortable and they would begin by filling out paperwork and having a 'get to know you' session.

Dr. Zack moved to a small table near the door and turned on an 'auditory therapy' machine, asking Harm whether he'd rather hear the sounds of the beach, a rainforest, a waterfall, a night in the desert, or a heartbeat. He explained that the machine had a dual purpose: the first was practical, in that it kept their voices from being overheard by people in other rooms; the second was that it served to help his patients relax more while they spoke to him.

Harm chose the sounds of the beach and was pleasantly surprised that the noise wasn't too loud or overwhelming.

They spent about fifteen minutes filling out the necessary paperwork and then Dr. Zack picked up his notepad and sat back in his chair to look at Harm.

"Okay, Harmon," he began, "why don't you tell me why you and Sarah are here?"  
Harm swallowed and fidgeted a bit before he sighed. "First of all, everyone calls me Harm and Sarah goes by Mac," he told him. "As for the reason we're here, well…" he paused a moment before he told the doctor everything that had happened at JAG, including the Admiral's orders. "If we don't cooperate we both stand a chance of losing our careers and possibly doing time in the brig."

"So you and Mac are only partners at work?" Dr. Zack said, looking a bit confused. "I was under the impression that you were here for couples' therapy. I'm trying to understand why your commanding officer would order the two of you to do counseling together."

Harm shifted and looked at the ceiling before he shrugged. "Everyone thinks there's something more between us," he said. "We're partners and best friends, but…" he trailed off, unable to bring himself to say there was nothing more to it. After everything that had happened to them and between them, he wasn't so sure.

"But?" Dr. Zack prodded with raised eyebrows.

Harm shrugged and again shifted in his seat and looked at the ceiling. "I don't know; it's complicated."

"Ok," Dr. Zack said, realizing that they needed to start at the beginning. "Tell me about Harm; start with your first childhood memory and why it was important to you, and we'll work our way from there."

Harm started with his first childhood memory, just as the doctor asked, and they began to work forward. The happy memories were easy and he talked about them animatedly and with a relaxed manner. When they got to Christmas of 1969, Harm became more subdued and his speech became halting. From there it became harder and harder for Harm to talk about the things from his life, so that by the time they had been in the office for an hour and a half, they had just gotten to the time when Harm was nine and his mother had his father officially declared dead.

"Okay Harm," Dr. Zack said after Harm had finished talking about it, and he'd given him a couple of minutes of silence to process. "We're gonna take a ten minute break and then you, me, Mac and my wife are going to meet for our joint session."

Harm looked slightly surprised but he nodded his head. "Okay."

They left the office and Dr. Zack walked with Harm down the hall back to the waiting area. "There's a restroom over there," Dr. Zack pointed towards a door down the opposite hall. "The door across from the bathroom is a kitchen and there's coffee and snacks in there; help yourself. I'll see you in a couple of minutes."

"Thank you," Harm replied and then made his way over to the bathroom.

When he'd finished in the bathroom and washed his hands, he went to the kitchen and poured himself some coffee, glancing over the selection of snacks before deciding to pass on them and making his way back out to the waiting area.

A few minutes later, Mac came from the kitchen with her own cup of coffee and sat beside him on the sofa.

"You okay?" he asked softly.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "Not really; you?"

"No, not really," he replied, shaking his head slowly.

**18:00 EST**

**Lekberg Psychiatry**

**Washington, D.C.**

Harm and Mac sat beside one another on the couch while Dr. Leesy and Dr. Zack sat on the other side of the room on another couch.

"Okay," Dr. Leesy said, looking at Harm and Mac. "We always like to start at the beginning, so why don't you tell us how the two of you met?"

Harm and Mac glanced at each other and Harm gave a barely perceptible nod to her, indicating that she should go ahead and begin.

"We met in the White House rose garden," Mac told them.

"_The_ White House?" Dr. Leesy asked, amazed.

Mac and Harm smiled at each other briefly and then looked back at the doctors and nodded.

"Yes," Mac replied.

She told them all about how they met and the ensuing case involving her uncle. She told them about how Harm had held onto the skids of the helicopter and how she'd pulled him in to safety.

For the next hour Harm and Mac took turns talking about the last few years, sometimes laughing, and sometimes they were very serious and subdued.

They had just gotten up to where Mac had gone to Russia with Harm to find out the truth about his father, when it was time for them to stop for the evening.

"It sounds like the two of you have developed quite a bond," Dr. Zack said, smiling at them. "We want to see the two of you again in two days. In between our sessions, I want the two of you to begin journaling. I want you to start at the beginning and I want you to write about every memory that strikes you as important. I want you to write what you felt, what you thought… everything of relevance."

"On that note, I also want the two of you to not think about this all of the time," Dr. Leesy added. "Find something to occupy yourselves during this time you have off from work; do things that you enjoy and relax. Do you have any questions for either of us?"

Harm and Mac both shook their heads and so the doctors stood and shook their hands.

"Stop at the front and see Cass and tell her we want to see you in two days," Dr. Zack said. "And we'll see you, then."

After they'd said goodbye, made their next appointment, and made their way out to the parking lot, Harm stood by Mac's car and looked nervously at the ground.

"Would you like to go get some dinner?" he asked.

"Actually Harm, I'm really tired and emotionally drained," Mac said quietly. "Can we get together tomorrow night, instead?"

Harm smiled slightly and nodded. "No problem; I'll cook at my place for you if you're interested. Eighteen hundred okay?"

"That sounds good," Mac nodded. "I'll see you later."

Harm watched her close her car door and drive away before he sighed and climbed into his own car to head home for the night.


	4. Realization

**16:00 EST**

**Lekberg Psychiatry**

**Washington, D.C.**

**Three weeks later**

Mac sat in her usual spot on the sofa and sipped at her coffee before setting it on the table beside her and looking at Dr. Leesy.

"How are you and Harm getting along?" Dr. Leesy asked.

"I thought things were getting better," Mac replied with a sigh. "But yesterday he came over to help me fix my sink and we ended up in a terrible argument. He ended up leaving and slamming the door behind him and when we ran into each other when we arrived here today, he wouldn't even talk to me."

"What was the argument about?" Dr. Leesy asked her.

Mac shook her head and shrugged. "I'm not even sure; it started with Harm asking me about my journaling. I told him it was fine and he asked me what I was working on. Then I told him I wasn't comfortable talking about it and he asked me why we couldn't share things with each other. So I asked him what he was working on and he got all evasive and wouldn't talk, so then I told him I didn't understand why it was okay for him to ask me what I was working on, but I couldn't ask him the same thing. Things just escalated from there and he ended up telling me to forget the whole thing and he left."

"I see," Dr. Leesy said. She took a deep breath and crossed her arms before she spoke again. "What will you do if you and Harm can't work things out in a satisfactory manner and one or both of you are required to transfer?"

Mac shook her head in denial, "No. No. That is not an option."

"Why isn't it an option, Mac?" Dr. Leesy asked gently.  
"Because he's my best friend and he's… I need him in my life," Mac said.

"Why?" Dr. Leesy asked.

"Because he's my best friend," Mac began, but was interrupted by Dr. Leesy.

"You said that already; I want to know the reason why you feel that you need him in your life. Why is it not an option for the two of you to be separated?" she asked Mac.

Mac looked down at her hands and fidgeted a bit, sitting in silence as she contemplated the answer to the question. "Because I…" she paused and cleared her throat. "Because I love him," she said softly.

"Have you told him?" Dr. Leesy asked.

Again, Mac shook her head. "No; I can't. We're friends~ we work together; I won't be the one to mess that up. Besides, he doesn't feel the same about me."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm his partner; his friend… good ol' Mac, just one of the guys," she laughed without humor. "He's never said nor done anything that would make me think that he feels anything for me other than friendship. Besides, girls like me don't end up with guys like Harm," she said quietly, again looking at the floor.

"Let's talk about that," Dr. Leesy said gently.

**Meanwhile in Dr. Zack's office…**

Dr. Zack was watching Harm intently as he paced in front of the sofa, occasionally running a hand through his hair. "Want to talk about it?" he asked.

Harm stopped and looked at him, sighed, and sat down on the sofa. "Mac and I had another fight yesterday. It seems like everything I say or do lately just makes her angry."

"Why do you think that is?" Dr. Zack asked with a raised eyebrow.

Harm shrugged. "Because she's a woman?" he asked with a cocky smile, but quickly sobered. "I honestly have no idea."

"What happened to start the fight yesterday?"

"I'm not sure? The day started out nice enough; Mac called and asked me to come over to help her fix her sink. Once we finished with that, we went out to lunch at a local deli and then we went back to her place to watch a movie. After the movie, Mac got up to go make some coffee and I asked her how her journaling was coming along. She said it was fine and I asked her what she's working on. She didn't want to tell me so I asked her why we couldn't share things with each other, and then she asked me what I was working on. I got frustrated and avoided the question and she said it wasn't okay for me to ask her what she was working on if I wasn't willing to tell her what I was working on. Things just went downhill from there and I couldn't take it anymore, so I left."

"Why do you think the two of you argue so much?" Dr. Zack asked Harm.

"I don't know," Harm said with a shrug. "If I knew the reason, maybe I could prevent it."

"What will happen if the two of you can't work out your issues; if the only way to solve the problem is for one or both of you to transfer?" Dr. Zack asked.

"No," Harm said, shaking his head. "That is not an option. There has to be a way for us to figure this out."

"Why?" Dr. Zack asked him. "Friends go their separate ways all the time; it happens. It's not the end of the world and you can always make other friends."

"Mac is… she's my best friend," Harm said. "She's gone further with me than anyone else ever has; she's stuck by me through things that…" he paused and swallowed, running a hand through his hair again. "There has to be a way to work this out."

"What if there isn't?" Dr. Zack asked gently. "You've said yourself before, it's not like the two of you are married. What's to stop the two of you from just walking away with fond memories of a once good friendship and moving on with your lives?"

"I can't do that," Harm said, shaking his head. "She means too much to me."

"Why can't you?" Dr. Zack pressed.

"I just... I can't!" Harm said vehemently, looking away.

"What are you afraid of?"

"I'm afraid of losing her," Harm said, frowning at the question.

"Why? Why are you, Harmon Rabb, so worried about one woman walking out of your life and never being a part of it again? We've talked about your past relationships, so it's not like it hasn't happened before. What makes Sarah Mackenzie different from all of the other women that have come and gone from your life?"

"I wasn't in love with any of them!" Harm cried, his expression pained and his eyes suddenly widening in shock.

Dr. Zack smiled slightly, watching as realization dawned on Harm's face.

Harm sat back heavily in his seat and blinked, looking bewildered. "Oh my god," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. "I'm in love with Mac."


	5. Desperate Measures

Thank you to everyone that has reviewed, publicly and privately~ I really appreciate all the kind words! Things are about to get interesting... Enjoy!

**18:00 EST**

**Lekberg Psychiatry**

**Washington, D.C.**

Mac sat uncomfortably next to Harm on the sofa and looked at her hands as she wrung them together. She noticed that Harm hadn't spoken more than five words to her since they'd finished their individual sessions, and he had barely looked at her, either.

"Harm, Mac," Dr. Zack began, "I think that the first thing we need to do is talk about the argument the two of you had yesterday. Harm, you asked Mac what she was working on, but became angry when she instead turned the tables on you. What about that made you angry?"

Harm frowned and then shook his head. "I wasn't angry; at least, not at first. I was frustrated that she avoided answering me, but then expected me to answer her."

"Mac," Dr. Leesy asked, "why wouldn't you answer Harm when he asked you what you were working on? Why did it upset you that he wouldn't answer you, when you wouldn't answer him?"

Mac shifted nervously. "I've been dealing with a lot of hard, personal stuff and I'm not really good at opening up and sharing about things like that. I don't like feeling vulnerable or exposed, so I go on the offensive or try to evade the discussion altogether. When he wouldn't answer the same question, it hurt me that he didn't seem to trust me enough to do so, but that he expected me to just trust him. Since I don't like feeling hurt, because it reminds me of when I was young, I don't allow myself to feel it. Instead, I turn it into anger and… attack, if you will, the person that has made me feel the hurt."

Harm's eyes had widened and he looked at Mac in stunned silence.

"Harm," Dr. Zack said this time, drawing his attention away from Mac for a moment. "Why wouldn't you answer Mac when she asked you the same question you had just asked her?"

"For pretty much the same reasons Mac just named," he replied softly. "I am not good at sharing how I feel about anything, and this has been extremely difficult for me. I felt like I couldn't open up and share with her, if she couldn't do the same for me."

"You both have had several traumatic experiences in your lives, and you've never appropriately dealt with any of them," Dr. Zack said. "This has caused both of you to have serious intimacy issues."

"I don't have problems with intimacy Doctor," Harm objected, slightly embarrassed.

"Not sex, Harm," Dr. Leesy clarified with a small smile. "There's more to intimacy than just the physical connection."

Harm frowned slightly but nodded for her to go on.

"If the two of you were a couple, we'd recommend a specific course of treatment to overcome those issues but since you're not, this could be a little trickier," she told them.

"What course of treatment would you recommend to a couple that wouldn't work for us?" Mac asked curiously.

"There's a method that many of our couples have had great success with called Emotionally Focused Therapy," Dr. Leesy said. "Basically it involves having the couple completely strip naked and find a place where they're comfortable and lie skin to skin and talk. No sexual activity is allowed, and they have to talk about some deep issue. Something from their past, some issue between the two of them they haven't been able to resolve; the topic is their choice and they just lie there, with no physical barriers between them, and they just talk."

Mac glanced once at Harm and then looked down at the ground. "I, uh, see why you said that won't work for us. So, what do we do instead?"

"We continue with what we've been doing and we remain patient," Dr. Zack said with a small smile. "It may take time, but I'm sure that eventually we can resolve these issues."

They spent the rest of their session dissecting the argument from the day before and working things out, as well as dealing with some issues from their past, and ended with both Harm and Mac apologizing to one another before the session was over.

"We'll see the two of you on Monday," Dr. Leesy said with a smile.

After Harm and Mac left the office, Dr. Leesy looked at her husband and sighed. "Do you think they'll be able to get past this and work together?"

"They're in love with each other but refuse to admit it to the other person," Dr. Zack said with a small shake of his head. "Unless they can either admit it to each other or let it go, I'm afraid their commanding officer is going to have no other choice but to separate them."

**09:27 EST**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Georgetown**

**Next Day**

Mac set down the book she was reading when she heard the knock on her door and went to go answer it, surprised to see Harm standing on the other side. "Hey," she said softly, opening the door wider and allowing him inside.

"Hi," Harm said, entering the apartment.

"What brings you by?" Mac asked, indicating that he should sit down.

"I, uh, I was online doing some research about that technique Dr. Leesy mentioned yesterday," Harm began nervously. "And I, um, I think… I think we should consider giving it a try."

Mac blinked at him and looked at him as if he had grown a second head. "You what?" she asked incredulously. "Harm, have you lost your mind?"

"Mac wait, just~ just hear me out, okay?" Harm asked. "Just… just let me explain my reasons before you reject the idea completely."

Mac folded her arms across her middle and raised an eyebrow. "I'm listening."

"First of all, we're already at the beginning of our fourth week and we're running out of time," Harm said. "I thought things were getting better, but our argument the other day makes me wonder if we're as far along as I thought we were. If we can't work this out in two more weeks, we're facing charges and the possibility of one or both of us transferring."

"I'm aware of that and I'm trying Harm, I really am," she said defensively.

Harm held up both palms and nodded. "I know you are, Mac; I'm trying, too. I don't know about you, but I don't feel like I'm really making any progress. So I went online and researched the technique that Dr. Leesy mentioned, and it has had some pretty amazing results. They call it Emotionally Focused Therapy, or EFT for short and the most popular version of this therapy is the one Dr. Leesy told us about. Every single couple that has tried this therapy has seen remarkable improvement in two weeks or less. I know we're not a couple, but from everything I've read about this therapy, I think it's our best bet for solving our dilemma."

He pulled some papers out of his inside jacket pocket and handed them to her. "Read these and tell me if you don't agree that this could work for us."

Mac looked at him doubtfully as she took the papers from him and began to read. Ten minutes later she sighed and set the papers on her coffee table. Taking a deep breath, she looked at him and nodded once. "You may have a point," she said softly.

"Is this something you think we could try?" Harm asked cautiously.

"We have to follow the rules laid out in that paper to the letter," she said, nodding towards the coffee table.

Harm nodded in agreement. "That means we can't get up and run away or clam up when things become too difficult or we don't like how we're feeling."

"I can commit to that," Mac told him.

"I can too," Harm said, leaning forward and looking into her eyes. "Are we doing this?"

Mac swallowed and thought about it for a moment before she nodded. "Let's give it a try."

"When do you want to start?" Harm asked.

"How about now?" Mac asked with a raised eyebrow.  
"You sure?" Harm asked her.

Mac nodded. "I'm sure; let's do this."


	6. Let's Do This

**10:45 EST**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Georgetown**

"Okay," Harm said, running a hand through his hair nervously. "We have the ground rules set out in the article, but is there anything you think we need to add or change?"

Mac picked up the last paper in the stack and reread the ground rules section. "Rule number one: the couple should be completely naked and should find a comfortable place to lie down where they can have full body, skin to skin contact. Face to face works best, but a 'spooning' position is acceptable as well. Rule number two: during each session, one partner chooses the topic of conversation and that person starts by sharing. While one person is speaking, the other is allowed to ask questions, but they are not allowed to interject opinions or give advice. When the first person is finished sharing, the second person should take a turn; they may choose the same topic or pick another. Rule number three: the topic chosen should be something that you have a difficult time sharing. The whole point of this exercise is to develop communication skills and increase your level of emotional intimacy. Rule number four: no name calling, back-biting, belittling, shouting, or physical or sexual violence allowed." Mac looked up at Harm. "I think what we said before is the only other rule I would add," she said. "No walking away from the discussion or refusing to talk about it; we finish what we started. How about you; anything you'd add?"

"How about if the discussion gets to be too much for one of us, if we _really_ can't finish the discussion at that moment, we agree to take a break but we have to pick it back up the next time?" Harm asked her.

Mac wanted to object and tell him that his rule overrode the one she'd just mentioned, but as she thought about it, the idea made sense. "Okay, but we try as hard as we can to finish the discussion before we agree to pull out?"

Harm nodded, "I agree. Now, how often do we want to do these sessions, and do we tell our shrinks about them?"

Mac swallowed and thought about it for a moment. "I think one a day should suffice and yes, I feel like we should tell the doctors. We can use them as sounding boards and maybe even get some ideas on how to do better."

"Okay," Harm agreed. He looked at his watch and then back up at her. "It's nearly lunch time; why don't we go get a bite to eat, and then come back here and we can start?"

"TOGO's sound okay for lunch again?" she asked, slipping her shoes on.

Harm chuckled and shook his head. "TOGO's sounds fine," he said, following her out the door and waiting for her to lock up before they set out.

**13:00 EST**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Georgetown**

Mac took a deep breath and stepped out of the bathroom wearing her bathrobe and nothing else. 'I can do this,' she thought to herself. She tried not to think of the fact that Harm, the man she was secretly in love with, was lying naked in her bed waiting for her to join him… so that they could _talk_. She stood beside the bed and looked at Harm, who was propped up on the headboard with the blankets covering his lower half.

"I can close my eyes if it will make you more comfortable," Harm said, giving her a concerned look.

"Please?" Mac asked, nodding. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," he said, closing his eyes. He felt the covers move slightly and the bed shift a little, and then he felt her warm presence beside him.

"You can open your eyes now, thanks," Mac said.

Harm did so and took a breath. "Are we ready to do this?"

Mac glanced at him and nodded. They had flipped a coin to determine who would share first and Harm was the 'lucky winner', so Mac got to choose whether or not they faced one another or would lie in a 'spoon' position. She'd chosen to face one another so they could read the emotions on the other person's face, but she couldn't ever remember being this nervous about being naked in bed with a man. Scooting down so she was positioned with her head on the pillow facing him, she waited for him to do the same. As soon as he was facing her, they both scooted forward at the same time until they were face to face, skin to skin.

Harm wrapped his arms around her and, in a move reminiscent of the time they spent the night in the woods running for their lives from killer poachers, lifted one leg so she could slip her leg in between his. They lay perfectly still for a moment, both barely breathing.

"I think we should both take a breath," Harm said softly, laughing nervously. "You okay?"

Mac chuckled too and took a deep breath, nodding at his question. "Yeah, I'm okay; you?"

"I'm good," Harm said, looking into her eyes.

They took a few moments to just contemplate the situation they found themselves in.

"Are you as nervous as I am?" Mac asked quietly.

Harm finally smiled and let out a breath, nodding. "Yes. This is a bit awkward, isn't it?"

"Awkward bad or awkward this is kinda okay?" Mac asked, suddenly wondering if this had been a good idea.

"Oh, it's definitely okay," he smiled, eyes twinkling as he brushed a stray lock of hair out of her eyes.

"Harm!" Mac laughed, blushing slightly and rolling her eyes. "We're supposed to be _talking_, remember?"

"You do know how to ruin a guy's day," Harm pretended to pout. "I'm in bed with a gorgeous, naked woman and I'm not supposed to think about anything other than talking?" He sighed melodramatically and then winked at her. "You're testing the limits of my control."

"We don't have to do this," she said, once again unsure.

"No; no, I want to do this," he told her, turning serious. "I'm ready to get started. How about you; are you ready?"

"Whenever you are," she replied as she wrapped her own arms around him.

"Okay then," Harm nodded. "The thing that's hardest for me to talk about would be my dad," he said softly.


	7. Harm's Turn

Thank you all SO MUCH for the awesome reviews! They are greatly appreciated! Yes, EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) is real, and the particular method I mention in this tale is just one type that some therapists use for couples who have experienced traumas in their lives and have a difficult time connecting emotionally with their partner. I learned about it through a good friend of mine. Enjoy!

**13:15 EST**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Georgetown**

Harm was quiet for a few moments before he finally began. "I remember everything about the day they came to tell us he was MIA. We didn't find out until the day after Christmas that he went missing, you know. Even though he went missing on Christmas Eve they didn't officially consider him MIA until late on Christmas Day their time, so by the time they sent someone to inform Mom it was already December 26th our time. We went to church on Christmas Eve and when we got home my mom let me open one of my gifts, which was always a tradition; of course I picked the one from my dad. Whether he bought them and just had Mom wrap them, or she bought them in his place, I never found out and it doesn't matter. I just knew that the gift was from my dad and that was all that mattered to me. That year I got a model airplane kit of a Stearman bi-plane, just like the one in Grandma Sarah's barn, and I was ecstatic; I could hardly wait for Dad to get home and help me put it together. We put out the cookies and milk for Santa, and a carrot for his reindeer, and I went to bed after Mom read me ''Twas the Night Before Christmas'. The next day we got up and opened our gifts and then we had breakfast. Around noon, we headed over to my grandparents' house~ my mom's parents~ and we spent the day with the extended family. Christmas Dinner was always in the afternoon and then we stayed until just after dark. Mom took me home and I had a bath, and she let me stay up just a bit past my bedtime so I could play with my new toys. Then I had cookies and milk and went to bed; it was a perfectly normal Christmas while Dad was deployed." He paused here and was silent for a few moments, swallowing back his tears.

Mac lightly ran a hand along his bare back and gave him a small, sympathetic smile and an encouraging nod, but she remained silent. She knew how hard this must be for him and she wanted him to be able to talk about it at his own pace.

Harm finally took another deep breath and began again. "The next morning I was in the living room playing with some of my new toys and Mom was cleaning up the house. I remember there was a knock on the door and Mom smiled and said that it was probably my aunt Pam bringing my cousin Scott over to play, so I ran up behind her and when I saw the men dressed in Navy uniforms I looked up at my mom's face and I remember she looked terrified. I had never seen her look scared before, so it upset me that the men at the door made her look like that. She told me to go into my room and play, so I went into my room until I heard them in the living room. I snuck down the hall and peeked around the corner, listening to them talk. I remember the captain with the chaplain saying, "We regret to inform you that your husband, Lt. Harmon Rabb, Sr., has been listed as Missing in Action after his plane was shot down two days ago over Vietnamese enemy territory." I heard Mom ask if Missing in Action meant he was still alive and the captain said that there was a possibility, but search and rescue couldn't be sent to find him because of where his plane went down. Then he told her that if he was still alive, he was likely a Prisoner of War and there was nothing that could be done at that time. Mom was so calm… I understood some of what they told her, but I thought if she wasn't sad or upset, everything must be okay. Mom called her family and they came over and then the captain left, but the chaplain stayed for a while. Mom called me into the living room and explained to me what they had told her; that Dad's plane had been shot down by the bad guys and that they didn't know if he was okay or not, but that they were trying everything they could to find him. It wasn't until she thought I was in bed that night that she started crying; I heard her and I climbed out of bed and went down the hall to peek around the corner. She was sitting on the sofa with my grandmother's arms wrapped around her, and she was crying harder than I'd ever seen her cry before. I remember her telling my grandmother that she didn't know what to do because there wasn't a body to bury. She said that the not knowing whether or not he was even alive was the hardest part of all. I went back to bed and cried for a little bit, but then I decided that my dad just had to be alive… that there was no way my dad would ever leave us for good. So I just decided that everything was okay; that my dad was still out on deployment and he would be home as soon as he could. By the time the next Christmas came around, I was still convinced that he was just deployed and was coming home. Mom even had a present from my dad for me to open on Christmas Eve, so that made it even easier. The problem is, Mac, I got too good at pretending Dad was just out on deployment. By the time the fifth Christmas rolled around, I was ten and Mom didn't have a gift from Dad for me to open on Christmas Eve. She had told me six months before that she didn't believe Dad was coming home. She told me about Operation Homecoming and how they believed that all POW's had been returned home, and that she believed that meant that Dad was gone; he wasn't ever coming home to us. I got so angry with her that I refused to celebrate Christmas at all; I wouldn't go to church with her, or to my grandparents' dinner and I refused to open any of the gifts that were under the tree for me. The next Christmas, Mom sent me to Pennsylvania to have Christmas with Grandma Sarah… she couldn't deal with my anger towards her, since she had my dad formally declared dead a few months before that and she had begun dating Frank. I couldn't accept that he was gone. At least, not until you and I went to Russia. I don't think I ever really thanked you for helping me to find out what really happened to him, Mac. It meant so much to me to finally be able to know for sure what he had gone through; to know he was really gone, once and for all."

Mac looked into his eyes and then tenderly caressed his face with her palm. "You're welcome, Harm," she said softly. She waited a few minutes to let him process and then asked, "Are you finished or do you have more you need to talk about?"

Harm thought for a few moments before he sighed softly and said, "I'm done for now. Are you ready to share?"

"I need a bathroom break first and some water, and then I'll be ready," she replied.

"I could use a break, too," Harm said with a small smile. He untangled himself from around Mac and rolled onto his back, closing his eyes. "Go ahead."

Mac smiled and got out of bed, pulling her robe on. "You can open your eyes now."

He did and then watched as she moved to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.


	8. Mac's Turn

Again, thanks to everyone that has reviewed; it means a great deal to me! All mistakes are my own. This part has a non-graphic, generalized depiction of rape~ please don't read if you may be offended or disturbed by this. As a former victim of rape myself, I try to be sensitive to how others might feel about the topic. I've always felt that there had to be a reason other than her childhood/alcoholism for Mac's cold, aloof attitude in the beginning of the series. I respect your right to disagree but I'd rather not have any flames sent my way, thank you! Enjoy!

**14:10 EST**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Georgetown**

Mac moved around her kitchen with quiet efficiency, starting the coffee maker brewing and making up a plate of cheese and crackers, and then she started cutting up and placing fresh fruit out on a plate for them to snack on.

"Coffee smells great," Harm said as he entered the kitchen behind her.

"Thanks," Mac glanced at him with a smile, swallowing hard as she turned her attention back to the fruit she was cutting up. Harm was barefoot and wearing his jeans and no shirt, and he looked absolutely delicious.

Even though they had kept the conversation light and teasing when they'd first climbed into bed together, Mac had felt the evidence of his arousal and it had given her a small thrill of satisfaction to know that she did that to him. But knowing that the reason they were there in the first place was just to talk, she hadn't commented on it. Instead, she'd followed his lead and not made a big deal out of it, saving them both from embarrassment.

She finished cutting up the fruit just as Harm let her know the coffee was ready and began pouring it into mugs. Mac carried the plates of fruit and cheese and crackers, and then she sat in the chair beside Harm.

"Mmm, this coffee is just the way I like it," she smiled at Harm. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said.

"How are you doing? I mean, after our session earlier?" Mac asked softly.

"A little tired~ you know that emotionally drained kind of tired?" Mac nodded in understanding. "But otherwise, I feel pretty good. It was really hard for me but it felt good at the same time." He took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I've never been good at sharing things with other people; not even my mother. Maybe that's why I'm still single at my age," he laughed and then shrugged. "How about you; how are you after hearing me bare my soul?"

Mac looked into his eyes and smiled softly. "I'm honored that you trust me enough to share about your dad with me. I know how difficult that must have been for you, and I don't take it lightly. Thank you."

Harm rubbed small circles on the top of her hand and nodded. "You're welcome Mac; thanks for being there to listen."

Mac nodded once and then turned back to their snack. "We need to finish up… I still have to take my turn sharing with you."

"Nervous Marine?" Harm asked with a small smile and a raised eyebrow.

"Terrified," Mac answered honestly in a soft tone and avoiding his gaze.

"Mac?" Harm frowned, leaning so he could see her eyes. "We don't have to do this."

Mac looked at him sharply, eyes wide. "I want to do this, Harm," she assured him. "It doesn't mean that I'm any less nervous, though." At his look, she again took his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "Really; I _want_ to do this."

Harm sighed in relief and nodded. He could see the truth of her statement in her eyes and the way she looked at him. "Okay, then. Let's finish up here and I'll help you clean up so we can get to it."

Mac nodded and released his hand, finishing her snack and coffee before she and Harm cleaned up and prepared for her turn sharing something difficult from her past. She only hoped he'd still be talking to her when she was finished telling him her deepest, darkest secret.

**15:00 EST**

**Mac's Apartment**

**Georgetown**

Harm and Mac were settled back into her bed in the same position they'd been in before and Mac took a deep breath, trying to calm her nerves.

"You okay?" Harm asked in concern.

"Um," Mac began, and then swallowed. "Other than the shrink I had to see immediately after it happened, I've never shared this with anyone Harm… not even Dr. Leesy," she said very softly. "We're supposed to pick the topics that are hardest for us and this is definitely mine. Just… promise you won't say anything to anyone?"

Harm frowned slightly and nodded. "I promise, Mac."

"Promise you won't hate me?" she nearly whispered.

Harm looked into her eyes and saw they were shining with tears; whatever this was, it was big. "I could never hate you."

Mac continued to look into his eyes for a few more seconds before she took another deep breath and began. "After I got my law degree and joined the JAG Corps, I was sent on assignment to Bosnia. I did mostly advisory work, but occasionally I was called on to prosecute or defend marines who had gotten into trouble. I'd been there just over four months when my CO called me into his office and told me that I was going to go out with one of the unit's to advise them and keep them in line while they interrogated some Serbian soldiers they'd captured. We left early the next morning and drove 75 kilometers to the town where the captured soldiers were being held. We were there for ten days and everything went well, so we got our orders to head back to our main base camp. About 30 kilometers from the base, we were ambushed and found ourselves in a firefight. I was right out there with the men and I was doing fine, until I got shot in my right shoulder. One of the men grabbed me and pulled me behind our vehicle and was tending to the wound, when the next thing we know there's a huge explosion and everything got quiet. The private told me to stay where I was while he checked out what was happening and then he moved towards the front of the vehicle. There was a gunshot and then nothing, so I was trying to quietly call out to him. I heard something by the back of the vehicle and when I turned to check it out, there were three Serbian soldiers holding guns pointed at my head. One of them told me to throw away my weapon and then they picked me up and dragged me to their own vehicle. I remember one of them telling the others where they were taking me, and saying that I was an officer and a woman so I would make a good bargaining tool. He also said that because I was a woman, I was more likely to give them the information they wanted when they tortured me.

I was taken to a small village nearby and placed into a filthy shack where they told me to keep silent and not try to escape. Finally one of them came in and told me to tell him where our next troop movements were going to be. I just looked at him and refused to say anything, which earned me a good slap to the face before he asked again. But I still refused to talk to him so he left me alone for over two hours. When he came back, he had more men with him and he kept asking me questions, and I kept refusing to speak to them so they would slap me around and ask again. One of them said he knew the way to break a woman and that's when they grabbed me and ripped open my shirt." Mac paused for a minute and took a deep breath at this point.

Harm's gut clenched as he guessed what was coming next and he gently tightened his embrace. He could feel her trembling and knew that this was going to be extremely difficult for her. "It's okay Mac; go on," he said quietly.

Mac nodded her head and continued. "I fought them," she insisted. "I fought them with every ounce of strength I had left in me, but there were too many of them and I was too weak from blood loss and the beatings. I couldn't stop them," she said in a small voice. "They took turns, mocking me while they raped me and laughing at how weak I was. When they left, I just felt numb… I couldn't even cry. The next morning I heard shouting and gunfire, but I was too weak to even move. When the door burst open, I was expecting the same man to be coming back to kill me, but it was a marine. He called for a corpsman and the next thing I knew I was being placed on a gurney and lifted into a transport vehicle. I woke up in the hospital the next day and was told that I'd had surgery to remove the bullet and repair the wound, among other things. I had to see a shrink for a little while and I had to have PT once my shoulder healed, but then I was cleared for duty and I went back to my life." Mac shook her head, frowning softly. "I kept telling the shrink I was fine; it was part of war and I was doing just fine. But really, I didn't deal with it at all. I pretended it didn't happen and that everything in my life was just as it should be, but the truth is, I wasn't okay. I know that now, but I couldn't see it until recently. It was when I started the journaling that I realized that I had so many unresolved issues in my life… my dad's drinking and abusing my mom, my mom's leaving me when I was fifteen, my marriage to Chris and his death, what happened to me in Bosnia, Dalton's death and Coster's stalking me… I have so many things that have affected me through the years that I've tried to pretend haven't."

At this point she sniffed slightly and Harm pulled back just enough to see the tears, and he pulled her back in close to him. "It's okay Mac," he said softly. "Let it out; let it all out."

The dam broke with his gentle words and she began to sob then, clinging to him. "I couldn't stop them," she said. "I couldn't stop any of them."

Harm started to say something, but at the last moment he changed his mind. Instead, he just held her and let her cry, gently rubbing her back until she pulled away slightly and wiped her cheeks with her palm.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"You've nothing to be sorry for Mac," Harm said, kissing her forehead. "None of it was your fault."

"It's no wonder I can't find a man that wants to marry me and have a family with me," she said quietly, looking away from him. "I'm such a pathetic mess."

Harm paused briefly and considered his next words carefully. They'd come a long way, but they still had a long way to go, too. He decided to take a chance and hope for the best. "I do," he said in barely more than a whisper.

Mac froze and looked up into his eyes. "What did you say?"

"I said I do," he repeated, still keeping his voice low. "I want to marry you and have a family with you."

Mac suddenly looked irritated and tried to pull away from him. "I don't need your pity, Harm," she snapped angrily.

Harm held tight, refusing to let her go. "Mac, you're the one that said we couldn't run away from our discussions; just listen to me, please? Please, Mac… just hear me out."

Mac froze again, but she wouldn't look at him and her body was extremely tense.

"I'm not saying it out of pity Mac," he said softly. "Yesterday when I was talking to Dr. Zack he asked me what was so different about you from all of the other women that have come and gone from my life, and I told him that I wasn't in love with any of them. I didn't think about it before I said it; I don't think I had ever even really realized the truth of it until I said it out loud. But it _is_ the truth Mac. I'm in love with you, and I know we have a long way to go in both our individual sessions and our joint sessions, but I feel like I have a goal to work towards now. And not just keeping the admiral happy or preventing one of us from being transferred."

Mac's body relaxed marginally and she looked into his eyes, her own reflecting the doubt she had. "Really?" she asked uncertainly.

"Really," Harm said, giving her a small, tender smile. "I wouldn't lie to you about something as important as this; I love you Sarah."

Mac gave a tiny, hesitant smile and licked her lips, swallowing hard. "I'm in love with you, too," she told him softly. "I've known for quite a while, but I've been too afraid to say anything because I couldn't stand it if you didn't feel the same way. I also didn't want to be the one to mess up our working relationship."

Harm nodded in understanding. "If things don't work out, it would be really uncomfortable for us at work and if things do work out and we decide to pursue marriage and a family, one or both of us will have to transfer out to avoid COC issues. I get that Mac, but I'm willing to try and I'm willing to live with whatever consequences result because I believe the two of us could be amazing together."

Mac bit her lower lip and looked into his eyes for a full minute before she smiled softly and nodded. "I'm willing to try, too."

Harm hugged her close for a minute and then gave her a gentle kiss. "On that note, I think we need to get out of this bed and get dressed. I think it's way too soon for us to become physically intimate, since we're just getting the hang of being emotionally intimate."

Mac hugged him. "I agree, Sailor."

Harm moved away from her and rolled onto his back, closing his eyes. "Go ahead."

Mac leaned over and kissed his cheek before she climbed out of bed and put her robe on. "All clear," she told him as she move into the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

Harm opened his eyes and smiled widely. This emotional intimacy thing wasn't so bad after all.


	9. You Did What?

Again, thank you to everyone that reviewed; it is greatly appreciated!

**16:00 EST**

**Lekberg Psychiatry**

**Washington, D.C.**

**Monday**

Dr. Leesy paused and placed her hand on Dr. Zack's arm, nodding towards Harm and Mac who were sitting on the waiting room sofa. Harm was sitting back looking completely relaxed with his arm running along the back of the sofa and Mac was sitting very close to him, turned slightly so that she was facing him with her hand on his arm. They looked completely at ease with one another, Harm with a large grin and Mac with a small, intimate smile. They were talking quietly and occasionally laughing at something the other said.

"What do you suppose brought that on?" Dr. Leesy asked her husband quietly.

Dr. Zack had raised an eyebrow at the scene and he shook his head. "No idea, but maybe we should see them together first today."

Dr. Leesy nodded and she moved into the waiting area. "Mac, Harm," she said with a smile, "would you like to come back now?"

Harm and Mac nodded and stood, following the doctors back to the meeting rooms. They glanced at one another in confusion when they were led back to the room where they had their joint sessions, but took their usual seats once they were in.

"We're going to see you together first today, if that's all right with the two of you," Dr. Zack said, looking at the two of them.

Mac and Harm looked at each other for a moment before nodding in consent.

"The two of you seem much more at ease with each other than we've ever seen before," Dr. Leesy observed. "What brought about this change?"

Mac nodded to Harm to go ahead.

"Friday night, after you mentioned that treatment you would use for couples, I went online and began researching it," Harm said. "I found out that EFT is used for couples who've had major traumas in their lives to help them learn to communicate more effectively, and I also read what a high rate of success it has had. I've been frustrated with our seeming lack of progress, especially since we're halfway through our deadline. So I printed out the information, including how it works and the rules, and I went over to Mac's and presented the idea of trying it out to her. It took a little convincing but she agreed, so after lunch on Saturday we started. I went first, and then we took a short break before Mac took her turn. We did another session yesterday and one today, and I feel like we're finally making some progress."

Dr. Leesy and Dr. Zack sat in stunned silence, listening as Harm told them that they'd taken the initiative to do Emotionally Focused Therapy on their own. When he finished speaking, Dr. Zack was the first to recover.

"I have to admit that we're very surprised," he said. "We really weren't expecting this, since the two of you aren't romantically involved. But since you both seem to be so comfortable with it, and since it's obviously making a difference already, we're more than willing to work with the two of you to help you get the most benefit from this treatment."

Mac had taken Harm's hand while Dr. Zack was speaking and she gave a small smile.

"Mac?" Dr. Leesy asked. "Is there something you'd like to say?"

Mac looked at Harm, who nodded, before turning her attention back to the doctors. "We're uh," she paused and swallowed, and started again. "We're actually a couple now," she said. Noticing the doctors' startled looks that turned into expressions of concern, she hurried on. "We've agreed not to become physically intimate right now and to take things really slow, but we _have_ admitted to one another that we're in love with each other and we want to give a relationship a try. We are both very aware of the fact that we still have a long way to go as far as our therapy is concerned, both individually and together, so we know that we need to just take things one day at a time."

Both doctors relaxed visibly as Mac spoke and Dr. Leesy smiled at them. "That's good to hear," she said. "I'm glad that the two of you realize the need to not rush into this, and especially that you recognize that this is not a good time to become physically intimate with each other. On that note, are the two of you willing to discuss what you talked about during your EFT sessions?"

Harm and Mac looked at each other and then they both nodded in consent.

"Okay then," Dr. Leesy said, smiling. "Why don't you start by telling us about your first session and we'll go from there? Harm, since you initiated this whole thing, why don't you begin?"

Harm took a deep breath and nodded before he began. "I started by talking about the Christmas right before we found out my dad had gone MIA…"

**08:00 EST **

**JAG Headquarters**

**Falls Church, VA**

**Two weeks later**

Admiral AJ Chegwidden read over the letters from the Doctors Lekberg before looking over the top of his glasses at the two officers sitting in the chairs across his desk. Removing his glasses, he leaned back in his chair and folded his hands across his abdomen. "Well, I have to say that I'm impressed with the progress the two of you seem to have made."

"Thank you sir," they replied in unison.

"The two of you have fully cooperated and the doctors agree that you are both making excellent progress in your therapies. I am going to allow you both to return to duty without mention of either the incident that brought all of this about, or the counseling that you've been receiving. In addition, I've only docked each of you for two weeks of leave time; the rest of the time you've been off you have _officially_ been on assignment. Is there anything either of you need to discuss before you get back to work?" he asked.

Harm and Mac glanced at each other before Harm spoke up. "Yes sir," he said, swallowing down his nervousness. "Major Mackenzie and I want you to know that we are continuing our counseling sessions until our doctors feel we're ready to move on. We also want to inform you that we've begun to see one another socially~ uh, romantically, sir."

"I see," the admiral said, pursing his lips and looking intently at them for a moment. "Can the two of you assure me that this new relationship will remain outside of this office and not affect the good order and discipline of my command?"

"Yes sir," they again said in unison.

"Very well then," the admiral said with a nod. "I expect you to let me know if there are any changes in the status of your relationship immediately, so that I can address Chain of Command issues if necessary. If there's nothing else, I'll see you at staff call in thirty; that will be all."

Harm and Mac stood to their feet at attention and at the admiral's brief, "dismissed," they turned and left his office.

"That wasn't so bad," Mac said softly as they made their way back to their offices.

"Not bad at all," Harm agreed as they entered her office and he closed the door behind them. "Will you have lunch with me this afternoon?" he asked with a smile.

"Hmm…" Mac pretended to think about it, smiling at the look he gave her. "I'd love to, Counselor. Now get out of my office; I have a ton of things to accomplish before staff call this morning."

Harm paused before opening her door. "I love you, Sarah," he said with a soft smile.

Mac's smile was bright and she blushed slightly. "I love you, too, Harm," she said softly.

Harm winked at her and left her office, closing the door behind him.


	10. One Year Later

As always, thank you for the wonderful reviews; I appreciate each and every one of them, even if I don't reply in person. Enjoy!

**16:00 EST**

**Lekberg Psychiatry**

**Washington, D.C.**

**One year later**

Harm and Mac stood and smiled at the doctors, following them back to their usual meeting room and taking a seat on the sofa.

"How are the two of you feeling about this being our last session today?" Dr. Leesy asked.

"Good," Mac said. "I feel like we've really made a lot of progress and we're ready."

Harm nodded his agreement. "Besides, if we find we need assistance later down the line, we know where to find you," he grinned.

Dr. Zack chuckled. "Glad to hear you know that we'll be available if you need us."

Dr. Leesy noticed that Mac kept glancing at Harm and looked like she wanted to say something. "Mac, you seem a bit… nervous? Is everything okay?"

Harm smiled at Mac and nodded slightly to her.

Mac held her left hand up for the doctors to see her ring. "We're engaged!" she said brightly.

"Congratulations!" Dr. Leesy and Dr. Zack said at the same time, standing. They both hugged Mac and Dr. Leesy hugged Harm after Dr. Zack shook his hand, and then they all took their seats again. "No wonder you looked ready to burst," Dr. Leesy laughed.

"I hate to be the bad guy," Dr. Zack said with a slight grimace, "but have you talked about which one of you is going to leave JAG?"

Mac looked at Harm and they both smiled again. "_We_ have decided that Harm is going to go back to an active flight squadron, since he got his eyes fixed and can fly at night again," Mac said. "I'm going to remain at JAG and start working on wedding plans. We'll have emails, instant messaging and phone conversations while he's deployed."

"We also spent the weekend moving Mac into my apartment," Harm said with a smile. "Her lease is up at the end of this month, and it made sense for her to move into my place so it won't be empty while I'm gone and we won't be paying for two apartments."

"How does it feel having a woman invade your bachelor pad?" Dr. Zack asked.

Harm kissed Mac's knuckles. "Since I know she's the right woman, it feels good. I'm happy to have her with me until I ship out, and I love the fact that I'll be coming home to her."

"When do you leave?" Dr. Leesy asked him.

"It'll take about three to six weeks for the paperwork to go through, and then it should be within two weeks after that," Harm said. "Admiral Chegwidden didn't seem too pleased at first, but when we told him we were engaged and one of us would need to transfer out anyway, he agreed this was a good solution."

"Mac, are you okay with Harm leaving for six months at a time?" Dr. Zack asked.

"I think it's going to be difficult at first, especially since we're trying to plan a wedding and we're just barely going to be adjusting to living together before he'll be gone," Mac said. "But I also know how much flying means to him, and I understand how military relationships work, so I feel like I'm ready to handle it. I feel like communication is going to play a key factor in making this work."

Harm nodded his agreement. "I honestly am amazed at how far the two of us have come in the last fourteen months in the communication department; we talk about everything now. I can hardly wait to marry this beautiful woman." He winked at Mac and again lifted their joined hands to kiss her knuckles.

**19:30 EST**

**Admiral Chegwidden's home**

**McLean, VA**

**Following Friday**

Mac laughed as she listened to Alan and Jackie Mattoni talk about their children's antics and she accepted the wine glass full of chilled sparkling grape juice that her fiancée handed her, as well as the tender kiss to her lips, taking his hand in hers as he sat beside her on the sofa.

Across the room, Mic Brumby watched the scene with a slight frown and sighed. He still didn't see what Sarah saw in that cocky fighter jock.

When Bud Roberts and his wife Harriet arrived with their baby in tow, Mac stood and took her godson from his mother, cradling him close and smiling widely.

"So Harm, are you and Mac planning to have one of those any time soon?" Caroline Imes asked with a smile and a nod in Mac's direction.

"I think we want to get married and maybe think about buying a house first," Harm laughed. "Our place is fine for the two of us, but there is no way we could fit a baby in there."

Mac sat back down beside Harm and turned baby AJ so that he could see him. "Isn't he beautiful Harm?" she asked, running a palm over the baby's soft head.

"He's a boy Mac," Harm said, "he's handsome, not beautiful."

Mac laughed and kissed his cheek. "Whatever you say."

"I was just asking Harm when the two of you were planning to have one of those of your own," Caroline Imes told her. "He said that you two want to get married and maybe buy a house first."

Mac nodded in agreement. "Our place is fine for the two of us, but there's no way we could fit a baby in there, too."

"That's exactly what Harm said," Jackie Mattoni said, surprised.

Mac smiled tenderly at Harm. "We've already talked about it and we agreed that it wouldn't be a good idea to try and add a baby to the mix until we were married and at least looking for a house. Since the wedding will probably be shortly after Harm returns from his deployment, we'll probably start looking for a house shortly after that."

"What are you going to do if you ever get transferred out of JAG HQ?" Alan Mattoni asked her.

"Depending on where the assignment is located, we'll talk about whether or not I should accept it or go into the reserves so we can stay in the D.C. area," she replied.

"I have to ask," Alan Mattoni said, "what brought about this change? You two have made such huge progress in communication and maturity; I can hardly believe that you're the same people that were screaming at each other in the bullpen just over a year ago."

Harm and Mac looked at each other and Mac nodded her consent. He briefly explained how they had been in both individual counseling and joint counseling sessions for the last fourteen months, and that they had also been doing a more intensive therapy on their own, but with the guidance of their counselors. "It's really helped us both," he said.

Before anyone else could ask any more about it, Harriet pushed a rolling cart out with a large cake on top of it. "Time for the happy couple to cut the cake!" she said brightly.

Mac handed baby AJ over to his father as she and Harm stood in front of the cake and listened to Admiral Chegwidden give the engagement toast. Then they cut the first piece of cake together and fed it to one another before they began serving it to the others.

As soon as the cake was served, AJ Chegwidden stood watching with a smile as Harm pulled Mac into his arms and began swaying gently to the music playing softly in the background.

"Are you happy Marine?" Harm asked his fiancée.

"Happier than I ever believed I could be," she told him. "Thank you."

"For what?" Harm asked, puzzled.

"For not letting me just shut you down when you suggested we try EFT and for sticking with the counseling we were doing. It's been hard for both of us, but I think it's been well worth it," she told him.

"It has; on both counts," he agreed. He gently caressed her cheek and leaned in to kiss her tenderly. "I love you Sarah."

"I love you, too," she smiled. Pulling him close for a warm hug, she placed her head on his shoulder. "I'm going to miss you when you go back to flying."

"Would you rather I not?" he asked.

"No," she answered with a small sigh. "I know how much this means to you; how much you need to do this. Just promise me that you'll be careful out there, okay Flyboy?"

"I promise," he said. "I still have to put a wedding band on that finger and I did promise you a baby, too. I have a lot of really good reasons to come back safely."

The music ended and they turned so that their arms were around each other's waists as they made their way back over to where the majority of their guests were gathered.


	11. Happy Ending

Okay, this is the end of this tale. Hope you've all enjoyed the journey as much as I have. Thanks for all of the amazing reviews! Enjoy!

**Epilogue**

"Mac, where are my shoes?" Harm called from the master bedroom. "We have to leave!"

Mac smiled down at the tiny baby on the changing table and finished dressing him before she lifted him up and held him close to her. "Your Daddy's silly Frankie," she cooed to the infant.

Calmly she walked into the master bedroom and kneeled down in the closet, still holding her son close to her with one arm, and picked up her husband's shoes. She walked up behind him in the bathroom and held his shoes up so he could see them in the mirror.

"They were in the closet, right where they always are," she said with a smile.

"Thanks; guess I overlooked them," he said with a sheepish grin. "Everyone ready to go?"

"We're all just waiting on you, Sailor," she told him. "I'll go start loading everyone into the van."

Harm nodded. "I'll be right down."

Mac walked back to the nursery and picked up the diaper bag before she made her way down the stairs to find her other children sitting in the family room watching television, just where she'd left them a few minutes before. "Everyone gather your things and let's go get into the van," she said. "Daddy will be down in just a minute."

"I'll take the diaper bag for you Mommy," their eldest child said. At age six, Zach was always looking for ways to help his mother.

"Thank you, sweetie," Mac said, handing the bag to him. "Ali, where's your shoes?"

"I don't wanna wear shoes, Mommy," the four year old girl protested.

"Alicia, go get your shoes," Mac said in a tone that would brook no argument.

"Yes ma'am," Ali said with a slight pout as she hurried to get her shoes.

"I'll help Bubby," Zach said, nodding to his two year old brother and taking his hand as they all moved towards the garage entrance.

Harm joined them at this point and helped her get the children all buckled into the appropriate car seats before he and Mac climbed into the van and buckled themselves in.

"We go Dimmy's?" two year old Robert asked. When he was born his siblings had transposed the shortened version of Robert, whom the adults all called Bobby, into the name 'Bubby'. The nickname had stuck and now everyone called him that.

"That's right, Bubby; we're going to Jimmy's," Harm said with a smile. "Do you want to play in the sandbox with Jimmy today?"

"Yes!" the toddler said happily, bouncing in his seat and clapping his hands excitedly.

Mac smiled at her husband of eight years before looking out the window.

After Harm had left for his deployment to an active air squadron, she'd been partnered with Commander Mic Brumby. She and Harm had nourished their relationship through emails, phone calls and instant messaging during the entire time he'd been gone.

When Harm had returned to Washington, he was allowed to return to JAG and Mac was given the choice of returning to Quantico as their SJA or taking on a position at the Pentagon as a legal advisor and translator. She'd chosen the Pentagon position and she and Harm were married two months later in a small ceremony with just his family and their closest friends present.

They had started looking for a house right away, and after four months of searching they found the perfect home for them in West Springfield, in a quiet neighborhood near Lake Accotink and its surrounding park. Mac told everyone that the name of the street was how she knew that it was fate that the home was meant for them: Harmon Pl.

They were settling into their new jobs, their new home and their new lives as husband and wife and they had agreed that Mac would stop taking her birth control pills and they would just see what happened. If they weren't expecting in a year's time, they'd go see a doctor and find out if they needed to do something to help things along. Just weeks after their second wedding anniversary, Mac gave birth to their first child. After much discussion on the subject they both knew that they wanted a large family, but didn't really set a number on how many children they would have. Both felt that they would know when their family was complete.

Zachary Nicholas was first, followed just under two years later by his sister, Alicia Danae. Robert Harmon came along just over two years after his sister, and Franklin Patrick had just turned twelve weeks a few days ago.

As they pulled up in front of the Roberts' home, Mac turned her attention to her excited children. They always loved coming over to Uncle Bud's and Auntie Harriet's house, especially when the extended JAG 'family' would be there as well. Today was Independence Day and the Roberts' were having a barbecue to celebrate the holiday.

Helping their children out of the van, Harm handed Frankie to his wife and moved to the back to bring out the ice chest that they'd brought.

Harriet greeted them all at the front door, hugging and kissing each child as they entered and sending them to the backyard.

"Mac, Harm, glad you made it!" she said happily. She stood on tiptoe to kiss Harm on the cheek and instructed him to carry the ice chest to the backyard and set it beside the others. "Oh, let me see that little guy!" she said, holding her arms out for Frankie. "I swear he's grown six inches already."

"You may be right," Mac chuckled as she handed her son over to her exuberant hostess. "I can't believe he's already twelve weeks old. How are you feeling, by the way?"

Harriet placed a hand on her slightly extended abdomen and smiled. "Great, now that the morning sickness has passed!" She looked around to be sure no one could hear and told Mac, "we found out that we're having twins again this time, can you believe it?"

Mac's eyes widened and she hugged her friend. "That's wonderful! I'm so excited for you both."

Later that evening as everyone was chatting happily and congratulating Bud and Harriet on their news about the twins, Mac leaned against her husband and tilted her head to kiss his jaw.

"You know, I think she had the right idea when she retired to raise her children," she said softly.

Harm pulled back enough to look into her eyes. "Is it something you're considering?"

"If we can manage without my income, yes," she said softly. "Harm… I went to the doctor Friday afternoon… I'm pregnant; about six weeks." She shook her head and grinned ruefully at him. "Looks like we got pregnant right out of the gate."

Harm remembered the night after Mac's six week checkup when her doctor had given them the all-clear and returned her rueful grin. "We _were_ just a bit enthusiastic that night," he said with a nod. His look turned to one of concern. "Are you okay with it happening this soon? Especially since this one wasn't planned?"

Mac took his hand and kissed his knuckles. "I told you I want a big family; of course I am. Are _you_ okay with it happening this soon?"

Harm got a mischievous look in his eye and kissed her neck. "Woman, if it were up to me I'd keep you barefoot and pregnant until we couldn't have anymore."

Mac, seeing his look, lightly thwacked him in the chest and laughed. "You're only off the hook because I know you're joking… well, mostly, at least."

Harm wrapped his arms around his wife's waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Honestly Mac, I couldn't be happier. I love the life we have together." He was quiet for a moment and then he spoke quietly. "I, uh, got a job offer today," he said. "It would mean I'd be home more and I'd make a _lot_ more money; no more TAD's or dangerous assignments."

"Oh?" Mac asked softly. "Tell me."

"Sloan and Foster," he said. "Full benefits package, six figures a year salary, paid holidays and vacations, and a sign-on bonus that is _very_ nice. They've been working with several child advocacy groups and need someone willing to specialize in that area."

"You want it, don't you?" Mac asked, turning slightly to see his eyes. Sloan and Foster was one of the area's most prestigious law firms.

Harm nodded slowly. "I've got my twenty in so I can retire from the Navy with full benefits. I'm ready for a new chapter in my life and I like the idea of being home more."

Mac kissed him tenderly. "Then call them tomorrow morning and tell them you accept."

"Really?" Harm asked with one eyebrow raised.

"Really," Mac nodded. "I think it sounds like a wonderful opportunity."

Harm smiled and nodded. "Thanks Mac," he said. After a moment he chuckled and kissed her neck again. "Who would have ever guessed that we'd come so far?"

"Mmm," Mac murmured in agreement. "We just had to overcome our fears, I guess."

"And our intimacy issues," he grinned. "Speaking of which, why don't we gather up our hooligans and get them home to bed and we can continue working on that?"

Mac laughed and stood holding out her hand to help him up. "I like the way you think."

END


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